"Jealous Feelings"

by Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches

Choosing to deal and heal the feelings you may be having with jealous
behavior, you can't deny or hide your emotions of anger or rage. You
must confront those feelings to have healthy relationships.

Our relationship advice to overcome jealousy and enrich great relationships
involves changing what you think and how you act in moments when those
feelings overwhelm you.

When a person is jealous, those feelings of jealousy can show up for a
variety of reasons--other people's acquired items, their career success,
their beauty, their money, their seemingly perfect relationship, their
"beautiful" kids, or even their education. In essence it doesn't matter why
you're feeling them, but you do need to understand and heal those feeling
to grow in your relationships.

Jealously can and will show up with partner in a variety of ways and can ruin relationships
rapidly. If you feel that jealousy is an all-encompassing obsession that could result
in a relationship breakup, don't let it take over your life. Do something about
it with the tips offered to begin to help you heal:

1. Take some time and get in touch with what you are feeling. Stop
what you are doing when those jealous feelings come up and just sit
and allow them to surface without judging them and without lashing
out at someone else. Whether there is any truth to what you are feeling
or not, allow your feelings to be there; you might find that underneath is
anger and underneath the anger is fear.

You can ask yourself--"What am I really angry about?" or "What am I
really fearful will happen?" Just be with the answer that comes to you.
Whether there is truth to those feelings or not, just allow them to be.
If you sit long enough with jealousy, you'll probably find that anger and
fear may reside.

2. Are your suspicions true or are you making up untrue stories when
jealous feelings come up for you? The stories you tell yourself may have
no basis of truth to them and may be "left over" from your experiences
of the past or there may be truth to what you are telling yourself. No
matter what's true and what isn't true, find out what's actually happening
and what isn't.

Have the courage to face whatever is true. If there is truth to what
you fear is happening, then create a plan to confront the problem with
honesty. If there is no truth to your fears, then commit to yourself to
run a different "story" in your mind each time those fears come up. At
those times, remind yourself that you are only making up stories that
aren't true.

If the actions that you fear are actually happening, ask your partner to
change their behavior. If they refuse or pretend to change but don't, then
you may need to decide if want to continue that relationship. If you know
that you are "reliving" or making up stories, realize they may be untrue.
You can then decide whether to change your beliefs and/or how to react.

3. Are your suspicions true or are you making up untrue stories when
jealous feelings come up for you? The stories you tell yourself may have
no basis of truth to them and may be "left over" from your experiences
of the past or there may be truth to what you are telling yourself. No
matter what's true and what isn't true, find out what's actually happening
and what isn't.

Make changes and keep moving toward healing because those feelings don't
go away until you deal with the issues, You can't blame others. You have to
be committed to changing yourself.

Jealousy can be a wake-up call. Let that call be ever changing to your life in
a positive manner instead of letting your fears get the best of you. If you have
this problem, know that many people like you have healed and eliminated those
feelings from their lives.

For a free mini-course on healing jealousy, visit http://www.jealousnomore.com