by Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches

As relationsh ip coaches, we hear so many questions from people who
wonder how to start dating after a break up or divorce. They want to
start dating but don't really know how perhaps after many years of being
in the same relationship. They say they want to find a soul mate and be
happy again but are afraid. They may have been in a long-term mar riage
that has broken up and they are scared about getting out there and dating
again.

Through working with many people who are in this situation, we have identified
four tips for how to create a better dating experience after a breakup or divo rce.

So if you're ready, here are our four pointers:

1. Make sure that you have made completions around old relationships. If you
need to do some work around forgiving your ex, do it. If you need to stop thinking
about how things used to be with an ex before your brea kup, do it. You will not
attract anyone to you who you will truly want to be with if you are still emotionally
tied to someone else.

2. Don't start dating someone with the idea that you are going to have instant
roma nce and be romantic with the person. Take the time to get to know them,
establish relati onship trust and connect with them as a person. Your dating
experience will be much richer if you do.

3. If you had j ealousy issues in your previous relationship, you need to learn
how to overcome jealousy before you begin dating. Many people believe that
the problem will fix itself if you are in a new relationship. Wrong! Jealousy will
just keeping showing up in new relationships over and over again until it has been
dealt with.

4. Put your cards on the table. If you want a monogamous relationship, tell the
person after a few dates. In dating situations, there are often unclear expectations
around infidelity and what that means. Don't waste time. Be clear in what you want.
Either or both of your previous relationships may have broken up largely because
of infidelity so it's even more important to start a new relationship with clear agreements.

These dating tips are ones that will help you with personal growth and if you keep
them in mind, you will have a better dating experience. We are giving you this free love advice
in the hopes that you will take courage and have more successful, satisfying dates and
relationships in the future.